I’ve worked in the coaching industry for about 7 years now and at times it’s been a love/hate relationship.
A Little disclaimer here, I’m all for helping people, the coaching industry helps millions of people all over the world every year. This is an opinion piece. I still work in the industry, I’ve written this piece because I’m interested in some of the techniques coaches use to ‘help’ people around them.
Coaching is a wonderful way to help people get to where they want to be in their lives. It’s super outcome based and allows people to set aside time to plan goals and look at what they really want with a trained professional there to assist them in whatever they plan on doing. In this instance, I am all for it. In a coach/client relationship, you have permission, you’ve been hired to help this person achieve their desires.
But, it gets icky when you’re a qualified coach and you may or may not have deeper understanding of the human mind and you're now walking around gathering data on people because you’ve learnt some new personality profiling tools.
Just because you’ve done a 6-month beautician course doesn’t mean you go around plucking people’s eyebrows without permission…
You are not gathering data, you are looking at the people around you, seeing them as broken and deciding that they need to be fixed. Notice the language I’ve used here...YOU as the coach has decided that they need to be fixed.
I’m curious to know, by analysing people’s language the whole time, aren’t we actually missing the point? Maybe the people we’re trying to fix are being triggered by something in their life, maybe they're having a bad day, maybe they’re in pain? Maybe, the words they are using have connection to apparent deep seeded issues they’ve been carrying since their grade 4 teacher told them they would never amount to anything, or maybe they’re having a human moment and instead of analysing their behavior and language it’s more important to love them in that moment of raw humanness.
We are love and divine beings of light. The words we use add up to approx 7% of our communication.
We can get so caught up in trying to fix ourselves and others, making ourselves more goal driven and productive, maybe it’s time for us to step back and remember who were are before we started analysing all our faults. Maybe it’s time to get to know our pain and the deepness of who we are before we start to fix others. Maybe, just maybe it’s time to start loving people by shining the light on their greatness and not something they need to fix.
Maybe it’s time to stop coaching people and start loving them instead.