I see it time and time again, in myself and in other women. The following statements being made...looking down as we say them, into ourselves are we're unworthy of having our dreams come alive...
'But, she has 10,000 Instagram followers and I'm busting my guts and I've only got 1000'
'Seriously, how can she have all these men fawning over her when she doesn't even look after herself? I'm doing yoga three times a week, drinking green smoothies and I can't get anyone to talk to me on Tinder'
'I've been in business for longer than her, how come she's so successful, seriously, what is the secret? I have to find that secret...'
The only silver bullet to your happiness in life is to stop focusing on what everyone one is doing and focus on what you need to do for yourself to get to where you want to go.
I've spent years looking at others and comparing myself to them for various reasons, here are a few:
- Living with a disability - feeling as though I didn't fit in
- Uncertainty of what I want my life to look like - feeling as though I didn't fit in
- The ups and downs of business that never seem to stop (even seven years in) - feeling as though I must be the only one that doesn't have it down pat, so feeling as though I didn't fit in
- All my friends and family, are 'moving on' because they're getting married, having kids and settling down - feeling as though there is something wrong with me because I'm single, so, really, feeling as though I didn't fit in
Then, just one day I woke up (had some healings) and thought to myself, fuck it.
Fuck trying to fit in and be like everyone else. I'm the one preaching that the world needs what we all have, so, when someone asks me how I'm meant to make money from being a spiritual badass, Goddess healing, business development marvel, my response will be, how am I not meant to succeed in that? Have you met me? I've achieved everything I've ever put my mind too and more in my life...
Maybe I've had more fuck it moments than the average ladette in a lifetime, what I mean by that is, maybe living with a disability has given me more times where I've felt like I've had to prove myself to others, but then again, I could be wrong.
What I'm trying to say here is, you can have everything you want and more.
If you stop trying to be like everyone else and just be yourself. You are fine as you are.
You are fine with your 1000 followers, stick at it and your goal will magically appear.
You are fine in your body, you are beautiful and everyone's bodies look different, just like the amazing Mel Wells author of the Goddess Revolution or Body Positive Panda on Instagram, your body doesn't need to change, your feelings towards it do.
A new mantra for me this year has been, I love my body for all of its capabilities. Because the transition from elite athlete to a woman with a disability hasn't been easy. I'm not allowed to swim for long distances anymore and I'm not allowed to play rugby. If I push myself too hard in yoga, I can be out for weeks. Mentally, it's draining, but what I've realised is, loving my body for what it can do is more important than worrying about what I can do longer do.
My swimming coach used to say, sometimes you just need to put the black curtains down on either side of the lane and swim your race. Don't look at anyone else.
In this age of social media, don't try and pass off someone else's message as your own, because it won't feel or sound right. Focus on your end goal and like magic, you'll be there in an instant.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and their lives, enjoy yours now and it won't feel like you don't fit in anymore.