As you move through your human evolution, get in touch with your intuition and the truth of who you are as a person, you’re going to come against moments that feel as if all the work you’ve done is for nothing. I like to lovingly call these moments cluster farks, or peeling another layer of your energetic onion.
There can be a few different responses to these moments in your life, I’m going to talk about two of them in this blog, they are ‘I'm unsure of how to deal with these emotions so I’m gonna share them with everyone’ response and the ‘I’m not sure how I feel about what is happening, so I’m gonna withdraw’ response.
I have experienced/played out both.
‘I'm unsure of how to deal with these emotions so I’m gonna share them with everyone’
Every moment in our lives, is relative, You will experience cluster farks and others will. No ones cluster fark is worse than the other persons cluster fark, because in that moment in that person’s life, it’s all that they can think or feel or focus on. People will often say to me ‘I shouldn’t be talking about how sore my knee is to you’ Um, of course you should because in your life, your knee being sore is what is happening for you and it’s relatively shit. I wouldn’t be a very good friend or mentor if I thought my problems/pain was the only problem worth mentioning. But, what we all need to be aware of is, when we’re going through something major, we are the only person that can make us feel better. It’s not anyone else’s job to carry the pain for us, they can be a ear and there to help us feel stronger, but as soon as we’re making our problem or pain someone else’s pain or problem, in my opinion, that’s not ok. There is a strong difference between seeking support and dumping your hurt on someone else for them to carry.
This is where self-soothing comes in, it’s a beautiful technique that will empower you to move through the cluster fark at your own pace whilst maintaining relationships. It also promotes growth and of self-awareness.
When you’re feeling unstable or like you need support, grab out a piece of paper or a journal and ask yourself,
How can I move through this moment?
What is this moment teaching me?
What am avoiding in this situation?
What am I getting out of behavouring or feeling this way?
Who am I blaming right now? How are they my mirror?
What needs to happen in order for me to feel better about this situation and why?
Being honest and asking yourself questions that get you thinking about why this might be happening allows you the space to move through the cluster fark instead of sitting in the story of it. We make things mean things, which will either create a positive or a negative outcome.
Go see a counsellor/psychologist:
Unless your healer is trained in counselling or psychology, something neuro (brain), they can only help you so much. There, I said it. There is a need for western and spiritual medicine to work together. I know that I am only so qualified to help people. If you’re only getting so far with your healer, you may need to book in to see someone who can understand the way you’re thinking from a scientific point of you and there is nothing wrong with that. I have been seeing my psych for about 15 years alongside lots of different healers, it’s about getting the help from wherever you need when you need.
Doing something nice for yourself:
Only you can feel a certain way, no one can make you feel something, we react to situations in relation to how we see ourselves, the world and others in it. Our perspective is created by our life experiences, our values and learnt behaviours, then we create what things mean. So, sometimes doing something nice for yourself is removing yourself from a situation that you feel is making you feel shitty, it could be that you’re dramatizing the situation, so that’s also making you feel shitty, so to be nice to yourself, you take a step back from the drama of it for a while. It could be that you need to get up earlier while you’re in the cluster fark and go for a walk in the park, or take a few days off work to get away, it could be that you never drink wine, and while you’re working through things, you have a glass a night. Being nice to yourself is putting yourself at the top of your list, no.matter. what.
‘I’m not sure how I feel about what is happening, so I’m gonna withdraw’
I’m really good at this one… When stuff starts to go down, I’m more inclined to remove myself from life and just sit in the shit for a bit while I gather my thoughts and move out of it. As an ambivert I need to recharge my batteries and give myself time to process the cluster fark before talking about it, and then when I eventually do talk about it, it’s usually hard to even understand what I’m saying because I’m sobbing my way through it.
If you’re a ‘withdrawer’ make sure you’re not just sitting in the shit and running it over and over in your head the whole time, make sure you’re being a constructive ‘withdrawer’ and doing things that make you feel good, which I bet includes getting out of the house, going to the park, somewhere that resonates with you with a friend that makes you feel safe and heard.
The journaling questions above are also a perfect way for you to be a constructive ‘withdrawer’ and, maybe it’s also time that you did chat to someone about what was going on before you got to the sobbing your way through it stage, book in with a psych, healer or counsellor. Do what’s best for you.
There are a few ways that you can self-soothe, but the most important point out of all of this is to remember that it’s your job to move through your own growth and transformation, no one can do this for you and if you’re getting help from someone, make sure that even in the cluster fark you’re not dumping so hard on them that they also get dragged into it. Be accepting and mindful of the love, but please never take it for granted.